I am so sad today... I wish i could find someone to trust!

Isn't it sad when you trust someone, love this person, want to stay with her/him, but in fact you are totally alone in an "imaginary relationship"? God! What have i done to deserve it? Well, i do believe in life after death, yes i do! It's more confortable! So, i think i have a very dirty soul, maybe i was an evil person in another life, i don't know! That's the only explanation for such a bad fate! ... Imagine a 24 years girl, who came from a disturbed relationship with a stupid guy who betrayed her. This girl felt like the worst and ugliest person in the world, oh God, she did! Then she started getting thinner and thinner, she had no will to do anything, suffered a lot, more than never, because she realy loved that guy and made serious marriage plans for the first (and maybe last) time in her life. This girl's mother almost got crazy, because she couldn't stand seeing her daughter so down, and there was nothing she could do to help her... Well, this girl woke up one day and decided to change this situation! She paintes her hair, bought some new clothes, put the guy's pictures at the bottom of the closet and went out. She spent about 1 month and a half going out almost everyday, she met new people, she drank and did some other things that i can't say now! She seemed happy, she used to smile... Smiling is a sign of happiness, right?? WRONG! She was not so happy, because she was not complete! Then, she started dating another guy, older than her, experient... But there was something missing yet, she didn't have feelings for this guy, and all she wanted was to fall in love again. And so she did! She broke up with this guy and started dating another one, this time, one year younger than her... She is dating him yet, but this is not the kind of relationship she was expecting. The guy is a real child! Addicted to games, cell phones and the like... He always makes her sad somehow. But she is in love with him, and HE SAYS that he is too, but doesn't show it! In fact, he shows that he doesn't care for her feelings, doubts, fears, pains, happiness, anything... She is living an insecure relationship, sometimes she thinks that the best thing to do is to set her boyfriend free to live away from her, but the stupid girl LOVES him. And once again, she is suffering, she needs attention, but he doesn't care. Why does he keep saying he loves her???? "Saying i love you is not the words i want to hear from you... If you only knew how easy  it would be to show me how you feel..."♪♪ . Yesterday, they had a misunderstanding, she wants to see him, she misses him a lot, but she can't do it today, because if they meet each other today, she will break up with him, she has to think a lot before anything! She needs help! ........... Well, this girl is me! Sorry if i wrote in english, but it's much easier to express my feelings this way! Well dear, i hope i can find the solution for our relationship, 'cause i can't stand felling this way anymore!